I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
