Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
