Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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