I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
