Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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