You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
