I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
