i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
