What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
