i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
