she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
