well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
