Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
