I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
