so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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