the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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