whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
