Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
