Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
