The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
