Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
