What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
