So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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