her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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