i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
