her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
