well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
