we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My feet surprised me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
