That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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