Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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