I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
