I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
