Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
