how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
