Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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