your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
