Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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