why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
