I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
