After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
