i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
