She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
