pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
