My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
