You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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