Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
