Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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