end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
