First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Green mimosas i think yes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
