Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
