how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
